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app for ataraxion / CHARACTER INFO
PLAYER INFORMATION
Your Name: Cee!
OOC Journal: wunderkind
Under 18? If yes, what is your age?: nope!
Email + IM:
email: twotimesfew at gmail dot com
AIM: twotimesafew (though it is ill-used)
Characters Played at Ataraxion: Bran Stark
CHARACTER INFORMATION
Name: Sirius Black
Canon: Harry Potter and the Varying Nouns
Original or Alternate Universe: original universe
Canon Point: just before starting his seventh and final year at Hogwarts in the 1975-1976 school year. (a.k.a. Marauders-era Sirius!)
Number: RNG ME
Setting:
The world of Harry Potter is a magical one, first and foremost. Wizards have very little to do with Muggle technology, and are unfamiliar with a great many inventions that non-magic users take for granted. Toasters, train turnstiles, money that isn't actual gold--all of these things would confuse and fascinate a wizard. Wizards use magic for everything, from complicated tasks to day-to-day chores. They even have a spell for packing their suitcases (it is, not surprisingly, PACK).
What isn't magical is antiquated. In a world where common articles of clothing can be as unfamiliar as a foreign language, wizards keep themselves happily ensconced in a half-way old-timey world. Chandeliers with drippy candles in place of electric lights, trains (for those who can't use magic to travel) in place of any other mode of transport, fires in place of central heating...
Granted, some of this technology-eschewing is deliberate, for various reasons. Part of it is likely thanks to the pure-blood wizards intent on keeping the wizarding world separate and "pure" (as mentioned in previous sections). They are loathe to integrate themselves with Muggles and Muggle-borns, and would naturally reject technology outright. This is never directly stated in the books, but is a fairly safe assumption to make. Another aspect of the secluded wizarding world is just that: it is secluded, and it's kept secluded on purpose. Wizards and witches have their own villages, and when they do live in Muggle communities, they maintain a separateness. This happens naturally, in some cases--some members of the wizarding world comes off as eccentrics to the normal Muggle--but it's also to protect themselves and the secret of their magic.
And it's vital that magic be kept a secret. The International Statue of Secrecy was put in place by the collective governments of the wizarding world, to protect wizards from their Muggle brethren. There was fear that wizards would be hounded to perform tricks and spells--there was fear that Muggles would turn against wizards as something disdainful or evil (demonstrated by the various witch hunts throughout the years)--and so the wizarding world as a whole retreated.
Sirius' family is mired in the concept of pure-blood superiority, so he has the heavy weight of that tradition in his background. To that end, though, it's my belief that he would go out of his way to learn more about the Muggle world, if only to rebel against his parents. We see evidence of this in the trappings of his room at 12 Grimmauld Place (adorned with a poster of the Muggle girl in the bikini), and with his pride in his motorbike (which I headcanon as a 1974 Ural M 66, just as a side note). His time period is still the 1970s, though, so his base familiarity with Muggle culture and technology is all rooted in that time.
History:
Sometime in 1959, Sirius Black III was born to Orion and Walburga Black. The heir to the House of Black, Sirius was born into pureblood wizard privilege. His aristocratic family is very Old Money and very much obsessed with the idea of the purity of wizard blood (Orion and Walburga were in fact second cousins, both Blacks, but they married anyway). They interpret the family motto, Toujours Pur--“Always Pure”--quite literally. Elitism is a very strong vibe in the Black family and they traditionally do not associate themselves with Muggles (non-magic people), Muggle-borns (witches or wizards born to Muggle parents), Squibs (pureblood witches and wizards who can’t do magic), and blood traitors (pureblood witches and wizards who associate with any of the former). They are famous for disowning members of the family who associate with these people or who happen, by accident of birth, to be Squibs themselves. There is a great insistence upon pureblood marriages, and a great focus on the Dark Arts.
Enter Lord Voldemort, a dark wizard bent on cleansing the wizarding world of blood traitors and Muggle-borns. Voldemort advocates the strength and power of pure blood, and intends to become the leader of the wizarding world through dark means, both subtle and overt. He is the leader of a group who call themselves the “Death Eaters”, and though Orion and Walburga Black do not officially these ranks, they are very much in support of Voldemort’s ideals. “No.. but believe me, they thought Voldemort had the right idea, they were all for the purification of the wizarding race, getting rid of Muggle-borns and having purebloods in charge,” he says when Harry asks if the Blacks were Death Eaters. In point of fact, though, Sirius’ younger brother, Regulus, actually goes as far as to join the Death Eaters, a move that very much pleases Mother and Father Black--and disgusts Sirius.
Somehow Sirius managed to cultivate an inherent distaste for all of the ideals that his family holds. There are other members of the Black family who are “rebels”--Andromeda Black marries Ted Tonks, a perfectly normal Muggle!--but it’s unknown if Sirius took his cues from them, or if this struggle arose somewhere else. What we do know, however, is that when Sirius went off to Hogwarts, he was sorted into Gryffindor--the home of the “good guys”. This breaks the Black family tradition of Slytherin sorting and sets up an automatic divide between Sirius and just about every other person in the House of Black. This divide would also indicate that his views had diverged from the traditional Black views before his arrival at Hogwarts, and would suggest some sort of internal or external motivation for such a change of heart.
When he returned home for holidays, Sirius widened this divide even more by hanging Gryffindor banners in his room, posters of Muggle girls in bikinis, Muggle cars--whatever would piss off his parents, essentially. He backed these posters with Permanent Sticking Charms to ensure that they wouldn’t be removed by any overzealous House Elves. You can imagine how tense home life was at those times--Sirius’ parents were livid that he had been sorted into Gryffindor, and likely even more livid when he began openly embracing Gryffindor ideals. Not exactly the most pleasant of times.
By contrast, though, Sirius had a great Hogwarts life. School was phenom. He made nearly immediate friends with James Potter, a fellow first year Gryffindor, and soon the two were almost literally inseparable. They widened their circle to include Peter Pettigrew (a somewhat weaker-willed Gryffindor) and Remus Lupin (a slightly more responsible and studious fellow Gryffindor). The four of them cavorted around the school getting into all sorts of mischief--though James and Sirius were really the ringleaders and caused most of that trouble themselves. They were consistently written up and in detention for pranks and stupidities.
As time progressed, the four became an extremely close-knit group. But there was something odd about their circle, and that something was Remus Lupin. He disappeared monthly for a set period of time, and would come back claiming personal illness, or that he had been visiting his sick mother. James and Sirius weren’t stupid, though, and they soon worked out the real crux of Remus’ problem--he was a werewolf. Instead of being repulsed or disturbed, however, they embraced Remus and even devised a plan to keep him company. They would become Animagi, an ability that would allow them to shift into the form of animals. By their fifth year, James and Sirius had completed the difficult process, and they were ready. Sirius would turn into a dog, James into a stag, and Peter into a rat, and they would go scurrying off into the woods to keep their BFF the werewolf company. Things went surprisingly well, and the four began to refer to themselves as the Marauders--Messieurs Moony (Remus), Wormtail (Peter), Padfoot (Sirius), and Prongs (James). Basically they ruled the school.
And then, trouble struck.
The big enemy of the Marauders was one Severus Snape, a Slytherin. On the train to Hogwarts in their first year, Snape had scoffed at James’ wish to be sorted into Gryffindor. “If you’d rather be brainy than brawny,” he began, to which Sirius interrupted, “Where’re you hoping to go, seeing as you’re neither?” Oh, hatred. Sirius saw things in Snape that reminded him too much of home—sneering arrogance, ecetera--and took an immediate dislike to him. He and James bestowed the nickname Snivellus upon the other boy, and a bitter rivalry was born. They took every opportunity to mock and deride Snape, making fun of his nose, his greasy hair, his style of dress, his intelligence--basically, it was all fair game. Sirius later refers to Snape as “this little oddball up to his eyeballs in the Dark Arts”, and defends their occasional cruelties towards him as fair and just in some ways, since the other boy was jealous of their “popularity” and followed them around in an attempt to get them into trouble. There likely was a give and take to this hatred, but it’s important to note that the flashback we get of the Marauders versus Snape, they are overly cruel towards him—and even Sirius later in life admits that he and James were a “pair of berks” and very stupid.
Still, this rivalry really came to a head in a single incident. Snape was extremely suspicious of Remus’ disappearances, and suspected that the Marauders were Up To No Good. Determined to catch them at something, he began sticking his
During his monthly bouts of lycanthropy, Remus was secluded in the Shrieking Shack, a supposedly isolated and haunted building just outside of Hogsmede, the village near Hogwarts. In actuality, the Shrieking Shack is connected to a tunnel that goes into the Hogwarts grounds and comes out right beneath a Whomping Willow--a large tree that will literally punch the crap out of you if you get too close. The Willow can, however, be subdued by pushing a large knot in the tree. The branches stop flailing, and you’re allowed into the tunnel. Sirius mentions this trick to Snape at one point, omitting the fact that there’s a potentially deadly werewolf waiting at the other end. Presumably he played this prank hoping to terrify or maybe even injure Snape, but James rescued the Slytherin student in the nick of time. This only intensifies the hatred between the Marauders and Snape--a hatred that will come to transcend childhood and even death.
At age sixteen, Sirius finally split from his family and moved in with the Potters. His mother summarily disowned him, blasting his name from the family tree--but his Uncle Alphard (Walburga’s brother) took pity on his nephew and left him a massive inheritance to live off of. Alphard was also removed from the family tree, and Sirius was left financially independent, a swingin wizard bachelor.
In 1978, Sirius and all his mates graduated from Hogwarts. The Marauders didn’t split up, though--they went on to join the Order of the Phoenix, the main resistance movement against Voldemort. Started by their old headmaster Albus Dumbledore, it was a movement full of very talented witches and wizards all working to bring down the Dark Lord. This clearly would be a “job” that would appeal to Sirius’ sense of adventure. He remained very close with James--he was James’ best man at his wedding to Lily Evans, and was named Harry’s godfather.
What could drive apart such a happy group of friends? Well... betrayal, mostly. The four Marauders were deeply embroiled in the Order of the Phoenix, and tensions were high. Something caused Sirius to begin distrusting Remus (we aren’t ever told exactly what this was), and the stress takes his toll on him. In October 1981, James and Lily become aware that they and Harry are one of two primary targets for Lord Voldemort (the other being Frank and Alice Longbottom and their son, Neville). They decide to go into hiding using the Fidelius Charm, and ask Sirius to be the Secret Keeper--but unbeknowest to anyone but the four of them, he declines and nominates Peter Pettigrew to be the Secret Keeper instead—a “weak, talentless thing”, because it would be a less obvious move.
And, ultimately, it was the wrong move.
On Halloween 1981, Sirius went to Peter’s hiding place and found him absent. Concerned, he then went to the Godric’s Hollow and found the Potter’s house destroyed. Peter had betrayed them. Lily and James were dead, and only tiny baby Harry was left. When Rubeus Hagrid appeared on the scene to rescue Harry, Sirius tried to take him, but eventually acquiesced and gave Hagrid his flying motorcycle instead to help hasten the journey. He then went off to look for Peter Pettigrew, with revenge in mind. But that also backfired - Peter confronted Sirius on an open street full of Muggles and faked his own death - severing a finger and transforming into his Animagus form, scuttling away in the sewer and leaving Sirius to take the blame not only for the death of the Potters, but for Peter’s ‘death’ as well.
Sentenced to Azkaban and touted as a traitor and a Death Eater, Sirius retreated from the scene in shame and degradation.
Then some stuff happened idk.
Personality:
Sirius can be an irritating little arse at this age. He likes teasing people, causing problems, and pulling pranks. He is known to be merciless with his teasing with friends and enemies alike. Indeed, it might sometimes be difficult to tell where you stand with Sirius--at least, in conversation. He's known to tease people to the brink of anger, and then backs off gleefully, defending his every word as a bit of fun or just a joke. There is hardly a concept of "going too far" when it comes to teasing, and everything is fair game. He is especially cruel toward people whom he dislikes--and it's easy to get on his bad side. It just takes a word, or a wrong look, and you've got yourself a grudge. Sirius isn't necessarily outright violent about these grudges--more often than not, he'll just seek to annoy you--but he's also not afraid to start a fight, or even to end a fight with a spell or a curse.
In other words, Sirius has a temper. There are certain subjects that are hot buttons--his family and, with that, the typical attitude of all Purebloods (as discussed in the history section), insults or slights toward his friends, injustices (when they involve his friends and those he cares about), and other topics to these end. Things that matter to his friends can also get under his skin by default, and he'll fight just as fiercely for them. He has a
Sirius has a great deal of pride, and wounding that pride will only drive him to anger. That pride is invested in quite a few things, ranging from things as mundane as his looks, to his friends, to his sense of right and wrong and his very deep convictions. Though he's usually quite adept at taking things as a joke, certain topics can nettle him to a point of irritation. Depending on who it is that's doing the nettling, Sirius will respond with a variety of consequences--and depending on his overarching mood, he might be quick to get out of it... or not.
That mercurial moodiness is a key aspect of Sirius' personality, especially at this stage in his life. Life is just starting to change, which he dislikes--James will become more attached to Lily as she responds (finally) to his advances. This divided attention will manifest itself as jealousy, though for James' sake, Sirius will try to keep hold of things. And--as they come nearer to their seventh and final year at Hogwarts--Sirius will begin to feel an awful sense of finality. Hogwarts is his favorite place in the world, the place that he has felt the most at home and the happiest. The idea of losing that will wear on his mind, and he will often react badly. At the core of this trait is a bit of a stereotype: he's a boy and therefore bad at expressing his True Feelings--but it's very true, no matter how trite.
Since being disowned, Sirius has come to identify very closely with his friends. He holds them as a second (and better) family, and cares more about them than he ever did anyone in his immediate family. James, of course, is his best friend, but he's got a massive soft spot for dorky ole Remus, and even Peter's earned a level of grudging affection after all this time ("well he's an idiot, but he's our idiot"). His friends are the most important thing to him in his life. He's fiercely loyal and devoted, and will jump to defend them at the drop of a hat in any means necessary--insults, blows, magic, et cetera.
That bravery and loyalty are two key traits that helped Sirius to be Sorted into Gryffindor, despite the Black family tradition of Slytherin Sortings. He is utterly unafraid of challenge or danger, and will do anything or face anything if he is devoted enough to the cause. There are very few things that he fears--his deepest fear would likely be threat or danger to his friends, and an even deeper fear of losing them and all that he holds dear.
There is also a certain moral compass buried deep in Sirius that helped him to be sorted into Gryffindor. Despite his protests, he does indeed have a concept of Right and Wrong, but it applies only to the big stuff. To him, life is to be enjoyed, and boy does he enjoys random acts of vandalism--so it is a little ironic that he gets sent to prison for something as dire as murder. That's not to say that he couldn't go there--after all, he does grow up to nearly kill Peter Pettigrew, and his temper surely gets the better of him on some days--but at this point, he's not a killer by any means. Sirius likes to think of himself as brave and swaggery, but he's still a student, and hasn't really done anything yet.
He might grow up to be a criminal but at this stage in the game, Sirius just likes a bit of fun. He's notorious for being charming--he's good with the ladies without even really trying very hard. He's quick to tell jokes, and quick to act out or act outlandishly to get attention or to cheer everyone up. Sirius is loathe to let anyone linger in sadness for very long--he would prefer the world to be like him, for everyone to be able to treat things without much seriousness--so he does whatever he can to elict that happiness from anyone he cares about. And of course he's quite intelligent--he's noted as being one of the cleverest in his class--but he buries that beneath layers and layers of acting like an idiot all of the time, so he'll suddenly go smart at you when you least expect it. He's also managed to acquaint himself with some aspects of Muggle culture at this point, just so he doesn't look stupid when trying to blend in.
Sirius is pretty dorky sometimes, too--he's really just out for a good time and a bit of adventure. He can coast through life without being troubled by very much, because he's quite good at keeping things removed from himself, treating it all as some great joke, so he can more easily dismiss everything. There isn't much in life that he takes seriously--though what little there is earns some intense seriousness. He's dead set against evil--he doesn't have a problem with Muggle-borns et. all, and it irritates him to no end to see those that do have a problem, because it reminds him oh so deeply of his family. And he's staunchly anti-Voldemort, and anti-Death Eaters, right from the start.
There is a cruel side to Sirius as well, especially when dealing with his enemies. He doesn't hesitate to hurt someone he considers in the wrong, and doesn't think twice about consequences. Anything from insults and hexes--it's all fair game to him, because they started it. This is an irritatingly childish side to his personality, and it makes him slightly volatile. Again with the crippled emotions--he can run a little hot and cold, joking one minute and serious the next--but it doesn't happen often, and again, only really when dealing with these enemies.
Really, though, Sirius' personality is best compared to a dog. He just wants to have big floppy ridiculous muddy boyish fun in a park somewhere. Don't piss him off, he will bark and then bite. And stay on his good side, because his loyalty is unswerving and unmatched.
Abilities, Weaknesses and Power Limitations:
abilities:
He’s a wizard, you guys. Canonically, even as an irritating kid, Sirius was a brilliant wizard. Professor McGonagall herself describes him as such, and Remus Lupin states that he was one of the “cleverest wizards” in their class. He comes up with impressive and complex tidbits during his Hogwarts years--the Marauder’s Map, most notably--and works out the incredibly intricate potion for Animagus transformation at age fifteen.
Oh, yeah. Sirius is a
Sirius will arrive with his wand, with which he can do a great deal of damage. HERE is the complete lexicon of spells in the HP canon. Later in canon, Sirius is shown being able to perform human transfiguration and defensive spells nonverbally, which is a pretty impressive feat. Since we see Harry and the others attempting to learn nonverbal spells in their sixth year, it’s safe to assume that Sirius already has a pretty good handle on this skill. He’s a good dualist, if a little cocky, and of course he’ll physically punch you if he thinks it’s worth the effort.
power limitations
Sirius is limited mostly by his inexperience--which speaks both to his currently incomplete education and his youth. For all his brilliance and cleverness, Sirius is still a student, so there are spells that he has not yet learned. He can figure many of them out on his own, of course, as proved by the advanced bits of magic that he’s canonically worked out (the Animagus transformation, most notably), but there are things that he cannot do.
At this point in his life, Sirius has never had cause to use any of the Unforgivables. Indeed, it could be argued that he would not know how to do them, given that the spells are not taught in school--and it could be argued, too, that he would not want to use them, given their connections to Dark Magic (and thus with his family).
Though Sirius is an overall magical prodigy, as a bit of headcanon, I like to state that Sirius’ magical abilities are stronger in some subjects than in others. Citing his impatience and flair for the dramatic, I think he is a fair hand at Potions--but he was never destined to be a Potioneer, and never advanced to a Lily Evans or Severus Snape level. This isn’t for a lack of intelligence--he could be brilliant at Potions, but he chooses not to try too hard, and it’s that lack of extra effort that holds him back. He has a certain disdain for Divination, beyond what is required to have fun with it--so his skills in that area are not as developed as they could be. His lack of interest prevents him from learning very much of the healing magic, which he largely dismisses as girl’s magic. And similarly, he avoids any household magic--the cleaning and tidying spells that characters like Mrs. Weasley are shown to manage without any real effort at all. Again, this is not for a lack of intelligence or talent--but simply because he can’t be arsed and would rather spread around his ineffectiveness at cleaning spells rather than be forced to perform them and actually tidy a room every now and then.
Sirius is a Quidditch player, and is naturally inclined toward a sort of easy grace and fitness that doesn’t require much upkeep--and while he has been in physical fights, when his short temper escaped him--the Wizarding world doesn’t place much emphasis on physicality or on the act of actually fighting. A duel is a more common means of conflict. As a wizard, too, Sirius will be notably inexperienced with weaponry, and perhaps more susceptible to injury through this mode. His innate dismissiveness when it comes to things that aren’t magic makes it difficult for him to take Muggle weaponry serious--and will prove a detriment should he ever end up on the wrong end of a gun.
weaknesses
I could start this section by mentioning what the previous section finished on: Sirius’ dismissiveness. This dismissiveness manifests itself in the face of many different things--other forms of magic, Muggle technologies and improvements, people that are “better” than him in some way--this list could go on. He is very careful to keep this separate from any snobbishness his family might exhibit, but really, it’s sort of related. Anything that isn’t magic--his magic--is inferior, and he will be hard pressed to take it seriously or be at all afraid of any of it.
His cockiness is another of his greatest weaknesses. Though he’s only a student, Sirius’ youth means he is brimming with confidence in his own abilities and convinced of his near-invincibility. He is hard-pressed to feel at all threatened by anyone--especially by Muggles and people with other “magic” (which of course takes us back to the first point).
And Sirius’ Mercurial nature also gets in his way from time to time. He has a difficult time with expressing emotion, and tends to run hot and cold--so either he’s nearly incapable of taking things seriously and goes about making jokes (forced jokes or genuinely funny jokes, depending on how difficult he’s finding the situation), or else he’s extremely angry and snaps at everyone. His temper is something that he struggles with, and he is hot-headed enough to get himself into trouble simply because he is unable to let things go. It’s surprisingly easy, too, to get Sirius worked up. There are certain key points--his family, his friends, his background and class status--that will really rile him up. Anyone who wants to use this against him or distract him need only bring any of these subjects up, and Sirius will soon be too angry to see straight. He hates to be wrong, or to have any faults pointed out to him--so insidiously, he will react badly to even his friends letting him know that he’s taking things rather far.
Inventory:
- 1 wand (12 inches, hawthorn wood, with a dragon heartstring core)
- 1 motorbike jacket, leather
- pockets of said jacket full of odds and ends, some of which are magical (six small no-heat wet-start fireworks, a tiny bit of Floo powder, two dog biscuits, and a bit off a bicorn horn)
- a pouch containing eleven galleons, fifteen sickles, and four knuts (gold, silver, and bronze coins, respectively)
Appearance:
I use Ben Barnes as my PB for Sirius! See below for why.
Age:
Sirius is sixteen going on seventeen, about to start his seventh and final year at Hogwarts!
SAMPLES
Log Sample:
"Disowned."
The word feels weird on Sirius' tongue. Disowned. He stares down at the letter lying open on the scarred tabletop. The parchment is heavy charcoal grey stock, and if he tips his head just right, he can see the Black family crest stamped out at the top. The thought of his mother going through her stationary to select the perfect colour for writing a letter of disownment is somehow hilarious, and he bites his lip to keep himself from laughing. Not this one, she would say imperiously to Kreacher, eggshell white, how gauche--no, this will not do at all. Fetch me something more somber.
He bites harder at his lip, and wonders why he's bothering. He's alone. The pub is nearly empty--he chose it specially, after all, a place tucked in a drab corner of London, somewhere in the belly of the sprawling city. There's only a handful of Muggles, slurping miserably at their pints, their caps pulled low over their faces. It seems fitting, somehow, that Muggles are the only witnesses to this public denouncement.
Sirius lifts the letter up and stares at it again. His mother's cramped and spindled writing spells out every stiff centimeter of her disappointment. Shame to the family name, filth and depravity, degrading yourself with your company, and finally, we have no choice. It's those words that write themselves the darkest on Sirius' heart. No choice. He should be hurt by that, surely. He should feel some sadness, that his own mother can't see anything left to do but to rid herself of him once and for all--but then, it's not as if it's a surprise. Sirius Black, once heir to the family name and fame and fortune, is nothing more than a dark blotch of disappointment on the silver-gilded family tree.
"You havin' another?" The bartender is a stout man. His whiskers stand out like a stiff bristle brush. Sirius blinks up at him, slightly dazed.
"Yes," he says, decisively, drunk on this freedom that he isn't sure he yet understands. The bitterness is creeping in, and an echoing uncertainty that tugs at his chest--what is he going to do?
But he knows that answer as soon as he's asked the question. The Potters. James won't be surprised. James won't be anything but there, waiting for him, ready to say what needs to be said and keep silent on what should be unsaid. And his parents, too--
But not just yet. All of that will be a crushing comfort, something that he will need, a line thrown to a drowning man. Sirius sets the letter down on the bar and rubs at his face. He can't decide whether to laugh or to crumple the letter and chuck it away.
The bartender sets the pint in front of him and nods to the discarded letter. "Good news?"
"The best." Sirius takes the pint and raises it to the ceiling. "I've been chucked out. Or really, I've run away, but then they went ahead and renounced me just so they could have one over me. I'm out a bloody fortune and a bloody family." Regulus' face had been white and ashen when Sirius tore past him on his way out the door. Sirius had spared him one glance, just one glance.
He takes another drink.
The bartender's uncertainty is stamped all across his face. "That don't sound good," he hazards, after a moment.
"It isn't." Sirius thinks of burning the letter. He thinks of throwing it in the river. He thinks of feeding it to rats, of dissolving it in a cauldron, of going out to a cliff somewhere and chucking it over. He thinks of the kitchen at the Potters' house, the warm glow in the hearth and the smell of tea and chocolate biscuits and clean white soap.
He picks up the letter again and folds it in half, once, decisively.
"It isn't," he says again, "but that's all right."
Comms Sample:
[This is a cheerful voice--there might even be a slightly manic edge to it, for all its cheer.]
Ahoy, the ship! I've always wanted to say that.
Right, but that aside--the fact of the matter is, I am bored. Awfully absolutely sodding completely bloody bored. I require entertainment, preferably in the form of something either life-threatening, fast, or nubile. Or perhaps all of 'em. There is nothing here, and that is no exaggeration. Nothing at all. I think I counted sixteen thousand ceiling tiles, but they're all a fair distance away, so I can't even chuck 'em at anyone. I'm about to stab myself in the head, just to put myself out of my very miserable misery.
So what say you lot to a bit of entertainment, eh? I've found my room to be sorely lacking in any amusements, but I'm the sort that can amuse himself, and take that as you will. Even I'm hard-pressed for something to keep my head straight, but I've managed. I have, in my pocket, a mouse that I discovered eating some of my food not ten minutes past. He's a very ordinary mouse, this mouse, very brown--but he's exceptionally good at hiding.
And just what, you maybe be asking--what entertainment is there in a mouse? Simple. I am going to make it bigger. And then I am going to set it loose. And we'll see what happens. Brilliant, right? You are welcome, so, without further ado, on three: one, two--